Submit.

Taken since 2003. Serious denial play since 2017.

Dare I start anal... 

I don't mean having hard core anal sex or stuff myself with long butt plugs. Not just yet at least. But the door is more open then before... 

Is this how anal sluts came to be? Orgasm control does so much wonders to the mind. I was doing my kegel traning and pussy teasing this week. And one of the kegels was dangling around my hole and I really wanted to push it in... But I didn't clean myself so I stopped.

But, but, but... Butt... 

Pussy spank and dice roll

So to kick the year off, my Domme and I decide to warm up a bit before doing anything more fun. I have been horny all the time because I'm not allowed to cum without edging tasks and permissions. 

But we going to do a bit different this year. I was on a lot of no touch last few years and last summer my Domme think my clit has got smaller and my horny level has decreased so much that I was no fun to torment for her. 

Last summer I was allowed to cum and was under so much obedience training followed by a winter of random ruined orgasms and edging everyday, just to wake up my horny level for this year. 

It worked, I'm horny all day and anywhere I am. 

This month I'm ordered to play with myself as often as I can. Every morning I have to rub my pussy area as tender and passionate as I can if I got horny, which will happen in few minutes, I have to edge my clit and when I'm close I have to slap my pussy as hard as I can to cool down. But I'm a pain slut... I usually get even closer to the edge. If that happens. I have slap myself and ruin the orgasm, then I roll my D30 to have corner time in front of my balcony door with blindfold and a timer. 

Then after breakfast I go about my day. If I'm still horny, which usually I am, I can only play my pussy in public. If I'm afraid or not able to then I can't do anything to my pussy until I got home. 

I did have few days so horny when I'm asking my Domme for permission to play in public, usually I'm asked to hump a shape She randomly says and I somehow managed to find them and hump it with no one around but usually it make my life worse because I stop too fast in fear of someone sees me and left myself even more horny. 

When I get home, pussy slapping is a consistent thing for me as long as I'm horny. Also I can only fully hump myself to the edge or ruin in very challenging positions, like yesterday I was allowed to hump my sofa, but I need to have right hand hold left ankle from the back left hand on the back of my head and right leg supporting to hump. I really did manage to get a ruin....

After last summer, ruin orgasms are what I can have. I think I still remember what a full orgasm feels like but I'm too guilty to have them and I have been trained to stop humping and take my hands or objects off my pussy immediately when I feel the orgasm. 

My Domme had a few beautiful moments when she actually allowed me to cum but I did instinctly ruin them and was crying in frustration afterwards... 

Summer condition: routine

This may not be a ‘hot and sexy’ post, but life sometimes is not just that~ 

As submissive as one can be, we are still human.

I’m not a brat-type of a sub, I can submit without ropes, the early years of play has molded my instincts. But these years alone of only playing online with my Domme has made me: Lazy. Slow. Disappointing. I’m a bit perfectionist with any tasks but if there are real-life schedule, I will put submission behind.

On the way to our getaway place, it’s proven I lack so much. So we started from the beginning, a routine that will make me stop thinking, only do.

My Domme made a daily schedule for me to follow. Like the agreement, I don’t have any saying in what I wear, eat and drink, also She has my phone so if there were anything urgent She will let me know, otherwise I have no connection to the outside world, so there is nothing I need to focus except submitting to Her.

6:30: Wake up, sit cross-legged outside and meditate, I should empty my mind and only focus on us and the day.

We set an insect net on the patio for my meditation and corner times, let’s be real peeps, being naked and eaten by insects is not fun, the place was private enough but people might still see me if they get close enough to the cottage, it was fantastic for humiliation training. With the heat of this summer, I probably have spent half of the time in there…

7: lick my Domme until she is awake and orders me to stop. I will write anything that was not about us and this trip during meditation while she makes us breakfast.

The first week was full of thoughts… unnecessary pathetic worries which died down as my edging and conditioning went up.

8-10: breakfast, bathroom turns, clean myself for play.

If I was ready before 10, I will kneel out on the patio to wait for my Domme.

10-12: Doing my tasks from my Domme.

Usually, this was deep conditioning time, like posture training, command training that I should have like an instinct, I was so slow at the beginning that the first few days I was whipped constantly and have collected so much corner time.

12-14: Lunchtime. Do anything my Domme wants me to do.

14-15: 30: workouts and clean up.

We use a lot of training sets from @edgercise , thank you for the great routines.

15:30-16: nap or cuddle with my Domme.

This was the time for me to collect myself if I have had too many emotions built up. The task and exercises usually make me into horny whimpering and a lot of times a crying mess, so this was our aftercare time. I usually fall asleep from exhaustion… Remember to have this in whatever D/s relationships you have.

16-22: random things we might do in the vanilla world, including dinner. I was randomly ordered to edge, ruin, and play myself or be played by my Domme.

22- next morning: my bedtime. I need to be either on my mattress alone or be played by my Domme if she wants, then I will have eye mask and laying down whether I really sleep or not.

Unless allowed, I don’t have bed and clothes privileges, the summer was hot enough to keep me healthy on the floor, I sleep on a mattress at the foot of the bed, so I won’t disturb my Domme in the morning when I’m buzzed awake. I have a bed sheet to cover up if needed.

It took me a week to finally set in. 

Everything was easy to dive into except the waking up and sleeping. It’s hard, the first few days were really hard. My lifestyle was not so unhealthy but it wasn’t this limited either. The sudden change left me hanging. I was whipped, slapped, zapped and corner timed so much…

Summer conditioning: rusty reflects

Long distance of anything is hard. Since we started tumblr to have a kick, my Domme and I both feel we need to physically play again at some point.

Self discipline of a sub is important but with no Domme we can only do so much with ourselves. This summer, after years of planning, my Domme and I finally managed to work our holidays for the summer.

After going through what we wish to do we headed to the cabin we booked for the month.

This summer, the entire globe was a hot mess. So in favor of that, before getting on the road I was ordered with only one piece of clothing.

The drive takes about 3 hours. I was ordered to edge on command. No matter how horny, I need to take my hand off or I will get shocked by the collar tide to my thigh.

We did a shock test before heading out. The shock is surprising more than pain. And I can’t explain it but I just won’t be able to get use to it. So I guess that’s actually good.

Note: test anything before using them, surprises are not all good.

My mind and body feels likes they have woken up from a long sleep.

I was slow, shamefully slow. I was in tears after the second shock and started crying because I didn’t realize how much physical training I was lacking and I was so disappointed at myself. We had to stop and my Domme bought ice cream and hand fed me to calm me down. We continued after I can collect myself and the rest of the few hours I was just in a emotional roller-coaster. By the time we got to our cabin, I was zapped 2 more times and my brain was stupid. I soaked the towel under my ass with my sweat and pussy juice.

It took me a few minutes before I could get out of the car and be useful, all this time my Domme ordered me nothing.

I really needed to pee and my Domme ordered me to kneel on the patio waiting for her. I was squirming and fidgeting by the time my Domme came out, she then pointed at a tree on the edge of our hidden small yard and said: stop fidgeting bitch, summer starts now, that’s where you will pee for the rest of the time when we are here. Kneel on this same spot after you are done and we will continue from there…

I felt my heart missed a beat, my pussy twitched, my brain clicked.

We are on.

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