Submit.

This is a long-ish one. Please bear with me, i will apologize in advance that this is not one of our fuck-me-stupid posts🥹 This place is a journal space first for our fascination of denial kink. The interactions are a pure surprise and bless❤️.

I haven’t wrote something like this for a while. i wrote something similar a long while ago, and also a bit about physical changes. There's been much progression in my life throughout these years. 

We realized after more than half a decade of toying with my body that i just cannot cum vaginally. This was the main reason we started denial. It all begin with the curiosity of 'what if', then after all the ways we have safely tried, we have accepted that i can’t. But there is a spot in my vagina we discovered that make me feral when fucked hard and we both are obsessed with it😂.

i’m more certain about what i like. Which is being sexually dominated by someone i trust, to be tormented and challenged by them. i love submitting sexually, i love the fabulous denial kink, sprinkled with light humiliation and maybe a bit more pain. And that’s what we have slowly settled into.

Consent

I cannot emphasize on consent more. Everything below are done in a safe environment with consent. We only do these in private. i trust my Domme's judgements and we have built a trust around our actions. 
Safe word

It's not just for me, the sub, but for both of us. We also have a yellow word to indicate things hitting the limit. No matter what or how you play, SAFE WORD, SAFE GUESTURE is the only thing that should never change.

If you don't want to continue to read til the end, then just remember always set your safe words. ALWAYS HAVE THEM!

The shift in verbalization (my Domme loves to use my own words against me.) 

Definitions are very important to us. The time we spend digging through dictionaries can’t be healthy😂 but it definitely drilled through.

-need vs want:

For us, Need means to survive but Want, my sluts, means desire and lust.

This is the most common torment i cast on myself. Over the past few years, i finally accepted that i absolutely has no need for orgasms. Unlike water and food, my life is not threatened without orgasms. There is no situation where it needs me to cum. I just lust for them out of the greed of pleasure, or lack of control of my body, which both can be improved under constant practice and reflect. Through tears and frustration, it took years of reinforcements such as writing lines, corner time, spanking etc. to get here. And i'm glad.

Now instead of saying i need to cum (what a truly pathetic incompetent line it is...), i'd apologize for wanting something so unnecessary, usually incoherent with broken babbling pleads to beg my Domme to stop or ask for mercy in more animalistic whimpers…

-can i vs may i: 

This is about attitude. Can i, is about questioning an ability, but May i, is asking for permission. i can most certainly edge my brains out, i can play with my clit for days and i can do anything to pleasure myself, but may i have the permission, that should always be asked and granted by the effort i put in.

i have become hyper conscious about choice of words as time moved on. It's a process and a learning curve, and they started to show in the way i write and talk to people outside of our kink too, and honestly it made me more polite and likeable, win-win😉.

 The dynamic between us 

Public: although She only dominate me sexually, if we go out, i have realized that i'm always walking half a step behind Her, or staying just behind Her shoulder a bit, and She mostly leads and decides. But as i'm an introvert, i'm more than happy to stay back a bit.

In private though....

-indignity, free use and groping:  

i love making my Domme satisfied. She doesn't need to cum always, but love to insert absolute dominance. Fucking me into oblivion or humiliating me while having me please Her has always turned us on so much🥵, especially after being edged a lot. She love to standing between my legs, have me squat/kneel/sit against a solid surface, pin my arms above my head and ride my face, or humiliate me by keeping Her pussy just a bit too far for me reach. She’d laugh, i turn red and more wet, it's a riot. Hands above my head has almost become a default setting when She approaches me…

Or like i wrote before, making me the ultimate fuck toy wearing the strap-on, She keep me still and would pound Herself on the dildo to orgasm and i'm just barely staying alive in my own useless horniness. Or She would just wear the strap-on and random fuck me anytime anywhere, never know for how hard, how long, but always mind blown.

i literally don’t flinch when being groped at random anymore either, like fingers in my pussy or my mouth, edging my clit, tits fondled, ass slapped or whipped while i'm doing something then continue as nothing happened, with safety as a context of course. 

i could be doing the dishes and my Domme would grab my ass and slap them until it's red and walks away, or She might be working with Her computer and She'd pull me down to pussy-warm Her until She finish Her work. Maybe we are reading or watching something and She would just finger me until i'm panting and dripping, then she would stop and continue on the topic we were on.  

These days, i expect Her to free use me. The anticipation is enough to make me drip… And sometimes She would ignor me just to tease me to the point im pleading Her to use me🤦🏻‍♀️

-nudity:

i started to be completely naked when we are in private since we started denial, i can't remember what life was before that... for years now the first thing i do when i'm home is strip naked, i have a robe for chill days and a pair of pants for cleaning or gardening things. My Domme has access to all my part at any time and it's been so liberating.

-poses:

We tried a lot at the beginning and settled for just three: tiptoe squat (usually punishments), puppy pose (when i'm toyed and fucked) and nadu (time out or stay in a scene). They put my mind in the right space right away. i'm wet and subby doing them no matter how the day started. Anytime we are home, my Domme would random command me with them and i would go to that pose on the spot like a reflex.

Through these nuances, i have more understanding about my mentality and most importantly my limits. It’s not easy to say stop or no to the person you are submitting and love. It made our communications more open throughout the years. i’m much more humbled and both of us more comfortable admitting to our mistakes. 

Of course i wish i can say we are constantly doing the things above. But the reality is, it’s hard to be on the same mental and physical place all the time. We don’t play when we are sick, tired or mentally unfit. So like this Christmas was so precious and we made the most out of it.

It's hard to believe so many years has passed. We are not sure how long we are gonna keep doing it. But i guess as long as i'm dripping and needy, we ain't stopping. Denial play has changed so much of me physically and mentally, i can't picture myself doing anything else. i'm still so horny for this kink as the day we discovered it. It gave us the most fun since we started to explore our D/s relationship.

If you came this far, thank you for humouring my words. It's awesome to know there are so many prevs on here that enjoy the same kink as we do.  
We really love y'all, so please also remember to love yourselves!

Until the next one. Peace out and edging on.